Why Do We Reward Those Who Hurt Us?
Beware! Pigs Bite – Do Not Feed!
Ever find yourself focusing on how to make others like you, appease that grumpy coworker, or agreeing with the aggressively manipulative person in your group?
Ever wonder why? Ever find yourself frustrated and angry about why you bothered to make the effort to try to win them over since it seems to backfire? You may find they either are even less friendly toward you or manipulate you more.
Why?
Why? Why do you keep feeding their appetite? It’s like expecting a wild pig to act differently. Expecting that when you feed their hunger – they won’t keep looking for more. And you will get bitten for your good deed.
They are who they are and they are the only one responsible for their behavior. But you may need to examine why you feel the need to win them over. We all like to be liked for sure. But some people just won’t. They won’t treat us kindly, or speak respectfully. They may seem to be focused on treating you and others as the disposable members of society.
The ridiculously easy answer to some of this stress? Let go of the idea that you can or should try to “play nice” with them. If your 3 year old child or favorite pet kept getting bit or beat up every time they were around a certain person/animal, what would you do? Would you keep putting them in that situation until the other person/animal tired of attacking? Or would you sweep up your beloved and resolve to avoid the aggravator/assaulter as much as is possible?
Why don’t we do that with ourselves? Sometimes we think we have to be “the nice one” or the one who always tries to build a resolution with others. But some people do not want to play nice or build a bridge. Being kind and honest does not mean that we need to throw ourselves at someone else’s fist.
We don’t need to provoke a fight but we don’t need to waste our time and emotions trying to convince foolish people to like us. That makes us even more foolish. Even the Bible tells us not to get tangled up in friendship with someone who is angry (Prov 22:24-25), that it will not end well for us.
We have to start to look at our value as human beings rather than our value as only seen through someone else’s reflection. Starting to like/love ourselves also gives us the power to start loving others.
Rejoice in what you like about yourself and accept all of you. Then choose what you may want to work on, knowing that you will always be imperfect but created as a one of a kind masterpiece, flaws and all.
No great creation is perfect in the exact sense. It is perfect in its own unique design and existence. Children, pets and you are not faultless. But you are perfectly human and humanly awesome!
(For more help to learn to like yourself – Try these 7 steps – Click Here)
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