You may become convinced that you are “not good enough,” that no one would want you. Not as an employee, a partner, a lover, a friend, a mother, not even as a maid – you just aren’t good enough. Maybe if you could be better…. you think. But you know, in your heart, that’s not possible. Return to head down, eyes stony, shoulders drooping, hopeless posture, except when you have to be “on.”
You must dance for the puppeteer; you must make them happy. At least until they shove you and your tangle of emotions, like the strings of a marionette, back into the closet with a kick and a curse. They turn their back and walk away till they need something again.
And so this is your life now – there is no escape. Or at least that’s the way it feels; the way the SSP wants you to think and believe. They don’t need a physical lock, you are emotionally drained and bound. You have come to believe that if you run away from this life, it will get even worse, since you now believe you are incompetent. And how could you possibly tolerate worse and alone.
Or more likely perhaps, because you care so intensely for that person, you still believe that you can help them. You believe that their pain and pressures in their life are pushing them to act this way. Surely they do not intend to hurt others and you like this, it is just that they have been so hurt in the past themselves.
Or so you tell yourself. Again. And again. If you can just show them enough love, enough mercy, enough patience…. then they will be all right. Another story you keep telling yourself.
What you no longer realize, is that if their getting better is tied to you being broken, there is no room for healthy for either of you. You cannot be broken enough to make them healthy.
You can love them, but in a healthy way. And you have to love yourself first. And that may include being totally away from them.
Sometimes something or someone is so toxic, that the only way to respectfully and wisely deal with them is not to deal with them.
That’s why we don’t keep mercury, dynamite and vats of acid in our home. It’s not wise to interact with those things. You will get hurt.
And they won’t feel a thing; you can’t “make” them feel anything good.
You can’t change them, you can only change you.
Remember:
Your reach only extends to the tips of your fingers. Past that everyone makes their own decisions. — Jan Smith
Feel free to share in the conversation over at my Facebook page – Click Here.