Another side of mindfulness, not just all Zen and Hippies
Last week I talked about using mindfulness to make sure you really experience your life, especially the times with family and friends. It is important to really experience the good times when they are happening.
But what about all of those other times? You know, when things aren’t going well or peacefully, you aren’t experiencing a special moment or something you wanted. What about when you’re anxious or scared, angry or unfocused? What about when you’re unable to stay focused enough to be mindful or meditate? What about when you are sad or depressed?
That’s a good time for mindfulness too. Many people think that mindfulness and its twin meditation are only for people who can stay focused. And that if you’re doing it right, you will immediately be all peaceful and Zen, at peace with everyone and everything in your life.
But mindfulness and meditation are not just for good times. They are tools for helping through hard times, scary times, angry times and more. They may be even more important when we are in distress, when we need help getting calmed and focused. And don’t believe that if you get distracted , you can’t use mindfulness/meditation. The point is to accept where you are mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.
When you are stressed, you are “in your head” and living in the unknown future, trying to solve things that may never happen. You’re fighting battles that don’t exist, reacting in your body and mind as if it is happening right now. Those anticipated battles can be more stressing than the real thing, usually playing over and over again in your mind, like a recorded loop. Your mind is waiting for you to acknowledge and make a choice or action about the perceived threat.
Mindfulness or meditation is the action of focusing on what is going on with you right now. It steps out of the loop of possible negativities and into the here and now. This gives you a chance to cope with what is really happening – good, bad or otherwise. It gives you a chance to stop the fight or flight response pumping adrenaline into your system and increasing your discomfort. It gives you a chance to help your mind refocus on positive thoughts like being safe, being capable, being in this moment.
It also gives you a chance to process painful thoughts so that they can be moved through and finished. It can give you a chance to realize that you can move out of emotions that don’t seem to be attached to what is going on in your life. And it can help you deal with repetitive thoughts of past memories by bringing you out of the past to the here and now.
Sometimes it helps you to acknowledge that you are in a sad moment in your life but that it will not last forever. It gives you the chance to accept that feeling while encouraging you that you are capable of surviving this as you have in the past.
That’s how mindfulness has been for me this week. If you remember, last week it was about being there to really enjoy the time with family before it was gone. This week has been acknowledging and feeling my sadness, grieving losses that are weighing heavily on me right now, as several chapters in my life are coming to a close. I need to give myself that awareness and experience of the grief I’m feeling so that I can finish it. Then I can move on to the doors that are opening without being stuck in the anxiety that unresolved pain can bring.
That doesn’t mean we grieve for 15 minutes and then we’re done. It does mean we acknowledge, honor and feel the pain, while offering comfort, acceptance and hope. It means that we accept what we are feeling, accept ourselves, and know that while we may be in pain right now, it will not be forever. Nor will it be the only thing in our life. We can accept our current circumstances which allows us to let go of them. Letting go helps us to be able to move forward when we’re ready.
So I am much sadder than I expected to be, I am walking through it so that I will get to the other side, and acknowledging what is causing that sadness so that I don’t get swept away in unknown and uncontrollable depression or anxiety. Knowing that it is normal to feel the sadness right now takes away that uneasy feeling of misunderstood and intimidating emotions without end. It also lets me think about when this has happened before and remember that I was able to get through it okay, till the time for calm and peace returned.
So although mindfulness and meditation can bring you peace and calm, it may just help you deal with the current storm. You don’t need to be calm, focused and able to sit cross-legged in order to benefit from mindfulness.
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