This is the time of year when we’re focused on finding “the right gift” for others. Be sure to put yourself on that list this year, with a gift you can’t afford NOT to give yourself – Acceptance.
Accept yourself as you are. Today. Right now. That doesn’t mean you can’t aim for new goals. It just means you love yourself unconditionally.
Even if you never received it before from anyone else. That doesn’t mean you can’t start practicing it yourself. It will be one of the best gifts you’ve ever received!
Start with these 7 actions to earn your Learner’s Permit in Self-Acceptance.
1.Make a list (and I mean WRITE IT DOWN – NOT in your head) of 5-25 things you like about you (smart, kind, pretty eyes, good listener, athletic, vary the items).
If you have a hard time getting started, start with 5 and keep adding to it. Start with liking to learn and improve yourself – hey you’re reading this “how-to” aren’t you? You can ask friends for help if you need to. Carry this list with you and look at it at least 3 times a day.
I bet if a friend asked you to list these things for them – you could come up with them in a minute. Do the same for you.
2.Take your list and read it out loud to yourself AT LEAST once a day, 3 times would be better.
Look around for a place where you can be alone first, or you may be doing a lot of explaining. Cars and bathrooms are especially good for this.
And don’t worry, accepting yourself as you are, will not mean you’ll suddenly start running around uncontrollably doing terrible things. Or become a raging narcissist. It means you will actually start doing things that are more in line with who you are.
Research indicates that we need 6-10 positive comments to balance out every negative comment. Hearing information is powerful.
Look at how much time we spend listening to others, watching TV & videos, listening to music. And if you think about how many times you have heard negative comments about yourself, hearing positive comments is going to take quite a while to make a dent in that number. Get talking!
3.When you make a mistake, drop something, forget something – make a plan on how to take care of the problem. AND forgive yourself. Realize that most of the things you may be punishing yourself for, really aren’t that big a deal.
If you call yourself stupid for spilling something, it’s time to realize – Don’t sweat the small stuff. And nearly all of it is small stuff.
4.Reward yourself for doing well. Notice when you do a good job or are nice to someone, and give yourself a compliment. That both reinforces the good behavior and makes you feel better. Let yourself notice how good it feels to do well and recognize you have done well. We all need pats on the back to keep our emotional wellness cup full. You can’t get water from an empty well.
5.Accept compliments with a “Thank you.” When you make excuses, you are actually insulting the other person who is delivering the compliment.
If you offered someone a gift-wrapped present and they rejected it, how would you feel?
And give compliments, so you get the good feelings from both giving and receiving sincere compliments.
6.Quiet the haters. Many times, especially when we are not very self-confident, we replay in our head the stories we have heard all of our lives. These commonly are from others with all kinds of negative comments and accusations. Well your brain is re-experiencing those situations and the emotions that came with it.
It’s time to take back your power and reject those voices. When you notice yourself starting to focus on those stories, stop and tell yourself those are Not you. Then focus on something else and the positives in your life.
7.Treat yourself with the compassion and caring that you would a friend or loved one. The Bible even tells us to love others as we love ourselves. Considering the way we often treat ourselves, I don’t think treating others like that is what it meant.
Loving yourself is different from being selfish. Loving yourself does not take away from or aim to harm others. It is healthy self-care. It is taking good care of what we have been given. Be your best friend today and treat yourself with compassion.
So this Christmas, don’t forget to remember and cherish the ones you love, including You!