Facebook seems to have taken telling your “dirty laundry” to an all new national sport. We read about people’s lives, we watch their secrets be spread across the news and internet. We even have a new genre of TV shows aimed at this – “Reality TV” with reality TV stars. Funny thing is, even those shows are said to be somewhat scripted and a flagrant attempt to get more attention in any way possible, particularly with sensationalism.
But most of that is not really sitting down with someone you TRUST and TELLING them how you feel, being emotionally VULNERABLE. Parts of the reality shows do seem to go there, and then we find that most of that is fake. It does perhaps show us though, that this is a basic and greatly desired need – to know and be known. It also shows us that it is not as easy or common as we would like.
I grew up on the opposite end, never wanting my “business” out in the public so I although I was pretty transparent with those close to me, I didn’t talk about what was really going on in my relationships.
And I didn’t want others to think badly of people I loved, so I just didn’t tell outsiders or even family, how my loved one was acting. I didn’t trust others to think I wasn’t doing a good job as a wife and mother. I didn’t want people to think I had a bad marriage. I didn’t want people to think my husband was a bad guy; as opposed to what I thought, he was someone who had gone through a lot of difficult and painful issues.
I didn’t trust, I didn’t tell, I didn’t get help. I didn’t think I needed help.
I didn’t want to be vulnerable enough to admit I was that wife in the bad marriage. I didn’t believe I was. I didn’t believe I was being verbally and emotionally abused. I didn’t even believe that was necessarily possible. “That was what wimpy people said. Just tough it out,” I told myself.
I was living in the kind of relationship that was familiar to me. And by not telling, not trusting, it was not getting better. My perspective was that there was no other option.
I felt that the only option out of this situation was against all of my beliefs and commitment. I felt my only option was to just keep living in the situation I had gotten into, although I had no idea it would be like this. And since I had resigned myself to working within the confines of the situation and relationship, it didn’t get better.
What if I had talked to someone else about it? What if I had asked for another’s perspective rather than assuming? Would it have been different?
I still don’t think the my husband would have changed, maybe not even the situation would have changed. But I would have changed. My perspective and strength would have changed.
How do I know that? Because when I had waited way too long, when I knew I had another option, then I finally went to someone I felt I could trust. And I trusted. And I told. And I was vulnerable.
And as I spoke it out loud, as I described the chaos I was living, I realized how far off from what I believed in, that I had gotten. Because I found the freedom I had been looking for, when I found the courage to trust, to tell, to be vulnerable. Why do we so often wait until we are desperate? Probably because it seems so incredibly alone and scary.
Today, I encourage you to “get really desperate.” Get desperate enough to find someone who is safe and wise and a good listener. Someone you can trust. Someone you can tell. Somewhere you can be vulnerable safely.
And get emotionally free. Even if it just starts with being compassionate and honest with yourself. If the people in your life are not trustworthy, maybe you need to get free of them. Be SEEN, Be FREE to be YOU. Be SAFE!
Please feel free to join me on the Facebook page – Click Here.