Are Your Relationships Helping You Thrive, Or Just Surviving

 

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I had a plant a couple of years ago that had the misfortune to be locked away in a bright sunny office while I was gone for quite a while. It got all the sunshine it could want, same great location, but almost no water.

It was a beautiful philodendron vine. I had gotten it when it was in a small 4 inch pot. And now it had grown to be a full, lush greenery with a number of extensions reaching 6-8 foot in a great big pot. The very picture of plant health. I watered it faithfully twice a week. And fertilized it on occasion. (The occasion was me thinking about it.)

Then it went for months, an eternity in plant life, where there was no opportunity to water it as often. Sporadic was the best available, and more than nothing. Eventually all the leaves died, it was just a few brown stumps of dead stalks in a clump of dry dirt. It was locked away in a windowless room, believed to be hopeless.

I put it out in the shade of our porch, watered it faithfully and watched for some sign of life. After two weeks, not  a  leaf, or even a sprig or a bud was coming. So I decided it was probably really a goner – not a sign of life.

I was going to be out of town for a couple of weeks so I didn’t feel like appropriately disposing of it. (i.e. dumping it in the garbage and cleaning out the pot). I set all the plants in the kitchen in a big container filled with water so they would survive till I returned, and off I went.

I couldn’t believe it when I returned. That dead, rotting stumpy stick finally had a leaf on it. A tiny, barely visible, slightly unfolded leaf! After nearly 4 weeks of watering and watching, that dead stump apparently still had some life down in those roots that could take in the revitalizing water!

It was amazing to watch this plant I assumed was compost, come back to life when it was given proper treatment, refreshment and care. It’s not yet as big as it once was, but it’s growing.

People are like that too. Sometimes we can end up in some type of relationship, for lots of reasons, with someone who doesn’t give refreshing care.

Perhaps this someone does not give kindness, compassion or consideration of your feelings, ideas and thoughts. Perhaps this someone treats you like that brown stump, as something not worthwhile and hopeless. Or at least they make you believe that’s what you are.

Perhaps, that person tells you how worthless, hopeless and helpless you are; killing your desire, strength and will to grow and protect yourself. Perhaps this treatment has gone on long enough that you don’t have confidence in your own choices and decisions anymore.

Perhaps you have begun to believe that everything is your fault and no one would want you. Perhaps you feel like that plant stump, shut up in the windowless basement, feeling no hope.

What if you could be like the after picture though? The picture of renewed life coming from the refreshing and tender caretaking of your soul over time? What if the person locking you in the dark and deeming you useless, doesn’t get to decide when it is too late, too little, too big a waste?

What if you, like my plant, got time, space and plenty of encouragement, giving you time to start sprouting new growth and life and vitality?

Since you’re not a plant and you’re not stuck in a clay planter, what if today is the day that you decide to move on to people who do value you and pour into your life, good things? You could get another chance to be a picture of life again.

Are you ready? What do you need? Who in your life can be that refresher for you?

If you have someone in your life like this, with little to no empathy for you, selfishly demanding their way, it may be time to re-evaluate that relationship.

If they make you feel bad not only about what you do (never good enough) but convince you to feel bad about being you, it may be time to think about if this is a healthy relationship/situation.

Someone may disagree with your choices without making you feel worthless, hopeless or you’re a bad human being. Is it time to talk to someone about it?

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