When I was with my Narcissist, I felt like I was always walking a tightrope. It was exhausting! I always felt like I wasn’t centered or on a firm emotional foundation.
I never felt confident enough to press for changes in my life. I was stuck in a loop, walking on egg-shells and using all my energy trying to recover some sort of balance. Imagine spending every day, all day, walking the tightrope, arms out, maybe with a balance bar, trying to get things done. And hoping you don’t fall!
- Keeps you from gaining perspective.
- Keeps you doubting yourself – “you’re the problem.”
- Keeps you in defense mode, trying to protect and defend yourself, your children, your family and friends.
- Keeps him/her (the Narcissist) in the role of power and control.
- Keeps your confidence low, “your life is so screwed up”. How do you explain this to others? If you feel it is your fault or embarrassed, you don’t reach out to others for help.
- When you are off kilter, you don’t have a firm emotional, mental and financial base to get away from your Narcissist Abuser. Or even consider and/or plan an escape route. Like trying to jump across the Grand Canyon from a tightrope.
- The good in you wants to “give it your best effort” to save the relationship. Since you feel off balance, and that the problems (or most of them) are your fault (according to the Narcissist), you never feel like you have the energy and power to have “given your all.”
This locks you into a no-win situation. The situation keeps you feeling incompetent and “not enough.” And your belief may be that until you become competent and “good enough”, you can’t leave the situation. The chains may be invisible, but they are definitely there and definitely heavy.
Don’t feel you have to hide anymore. You are not the problem, but you can be the one to set you free. In fact, you are the only one who can. No matter how incompetent you feel. You are more than your value as a housekeeper/cook/wife/employee, etc. You are valuable as a human. There are much worse things than being a bad housekeeper!
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