This is one of those wise truths which is old and new:
“We do not see things as they are but as we are.”
Jewish Proverb
Everything we see, hear, feel is affected by what we already believe, particularly about ourselves and others.
Think about how you react to others when you are in a great mood with high expectations. Then think about how you react to others when you are feeling sick, sad or depressed. Or when someone you do not trust/like says something to you.
How you feel and how you feel about the speaker, changes what you “hear” someone saying. And whether you believe it. That’s why two people can “hear” or “see” the same event and have two totally different perceptions of what happened.
Having this knowledge gives you power. Power in your own life. Power to assess what is going on inside you, to assess why something may be triggering an alarm, and power to listen to yourself. Power to deal with others in your life.
If you are tired, frustrated or “hangry” you will want to take that in to account when assessing your reaction to others. Was it how you were feeling, that affected your not liking a certain person, place or thing? Did it/they remind you of something else – good or bad?
We may also walk away from opportunities because we do not believe we “deserve them” or that “something like that could happen to me.” We often are not open to new people or things that we do not believe can happen to us. This can be healthy relationships, good jobs, fun activities, and many other things we no longer allow dreaming about really happening.
We may even be sad or angry about the loss of these things, when the only thing standing in our way, is our own belief that we can’t have it. Haven’t you ever heard someone say “I couldn’t do that” and you wondered why they would not allow that choice in their own life when they clearly wanted to and could “do that”?
On the flip side, is your intuition, your gut, sending out red flags and flares that a situation or person is not right for you? And are you not listening?
We commonly do that in relationships with others. We assume that others will act like and be motivated similarly to us. We “see them … as we are.”So even when someone acts in a way that sets off a red flag – such as lying to us or refusing to take responsibility for their own actions, or routinely treating us or others poorly – we may ignore our own instincts.
There is value to “giving the benefit of the doubt” when it is a one time, out of character for that person, event. But usually someone is “telling” you who they are by the way they act, especially if it is not a one time event but a pattern of behavior.
If we want that relationship (lover, friend, employer) more than we want to see who the person really is, we will ignore bad behaviors and selfishness. Later, we may look back and wonder why we did not listen, usually with regret.
Learn to listen to you! Act on the red flag signs just as you would with stop signs, red traffic lights and emergency lights – STOP!! Visualize a little traffic director waving flags to slow down or stop – Don’t run them over this year.
Start listening to you, your body language, your reactions and your words. If you get tense or get a knot in the pit of your stomach every time you are around a certain person – figure out why. You may be surprised what you hear, from you.
What do you see? When was a time you listened to your gut and were really glad you did?
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