Sometimes we are so used to doing things a certain way, or making a recipe a certain way, or thinking about something a certain way, or even spending time with people who act a certain way, that we begin to think that is the only way. We may even come to decide that is the “normal” way. We may decide that others are doing it the “not normal” way. But likely it has become such an ingrained habit that we don’t even think about it.
In fact, we usually are making choices all the time about what we will wear, what we will eat, where we will go, what we will say, who we will spend time with. And the single biggest factor leading to the choice we will make is that we will usually choose what seems familiar.
Statistically, you can bet on it. I’ll bet you’ve even observed this in other people’s lives (if not your own). And said it out loud, “so and so will do bla bla, because they always do.” It’s easy, it’s comfortable, it’s familiar.
The Path of Least Resistance
It is in fact the path of least resistance, even though it seems there is a lot of conflict and resistance in some of the “fall back” choices we make. It is easier. And it is part of our blind spot. We probably don’t even see that we are making these choices over and over again; or at least not until we are stuck in the pain of the clean up again. “Clean up in aisle 9, enabler down, N* on full throttle humiliate mode.”
And it is not uncommon to make that choice for familiarity, while completely unable to see the similarities to our past experiences. While recognizing what went wrong in other’s relationships who are close to you. While boisterously stating that you “would never let someone treat you that way.”
And yet there you are. Probably, again. In relationship with someone just like the last one, or the one who was your parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc. We’ve all done it, it is our “go-to”, automatic reaction, like water running downhill.
The bad news is that although, you aren’t responsible for other’s behavior or for having been in situations that taught you a “normal” and “familiar” you don’t want, you are making choices. Choices that get you or keep you there.
Good News
The good news is that you can change it. Once you know you are making those decisions and reactions that keep taking you back into the unwanted familiar, you have power. You can learn to make different choices that will take you to a new and chosen familiar.
Where there is breath, there is hope. Power up your hope for change.
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