You know we often talk about how we have no control, throw up our hands in defeat, excusing our behavior or lack of it, by our supposed acceptance of our slavery to circumstances and fate.
But what if that’s not really what drives our talk, our actions. What if it is really that we are afraid we might actually have to power to bring things to existence, the power to change things. What if we are far more afraid actually that if we acknowledge that we have power, we will then have to face things we are not ready for. Things like whether or not we are really wanting what we say we want. Things like the changes that would happen if we knew AND did what we say we want. Things like facing our fears. Fears of unknown. Fears of responsibility. Fears of failure. Fears of success. What if we try it and succeed, then what will we do? And then will we will always be expected to do and succeed in our discussed choices?
On the other hand, if we accept that we have the power to choose and to do, and to try things, what if we fail? What if we fail big and publicly and humiliatingly obviously (or so we think)? What if we are not being held back by circumstances, but we have the power to really mess up big time. Won’t life cease to happen and the world stop rotating while all stare at us in disbelief that we should try something so failure doomed?
Or what if by trying, our failing or succeeding, we make others uncomfortable. Those who don’t or can’t, may feel that we are in fact, judging their failure or lack of movement, or expression of need for something different than what has already happened? What if we do judge them; won’t that surely prove that we are not nice, accepting, non-judgy people? And that might lead to judging ourselves as being someone we don’t like.
What if being powerful enough to choose, powerful enough to succeed or fail but keep getting up and going on, what if that separates us. What if that makes us stand out from the crowd in a way that we’re not comfortable with. Maybe we don’t want to be in the spotlight. Maybe we just want to make choices and do things, and have the freedom to fail or succeed.
What if after all the discussion, all the talk, all the what ifs and only ifs, and I just can’ts it comes down to this? What if we’re really just afraid to be powerful enough to be “me?”
What if we’re really afraid that if we say yes, we’ll just be swept up and away in the tsunami of power. The whirling and whipping, twirling and twisting requires us both to hang on and let go. Of that power.
Maybe the question really is: What would I do if I didn’t let fear hold me back from my own power?
What if…
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