One of the benefits of going through hardship is what we may learn about ourselves when we come out the other side. Look for the changes that happened because of the hardship.
I mean hard things that you would never have wanted to go through but that made possible changes that you are thankful for. That doesn’t mean you are thankful for everything that happened. But you grieve the losses, talk out the anger and be grateful for the gains.
For example, in my own life, a couple of things come quickly to mind. First, I had a spouse who believed that his only contribution to the household and relationship was to go to work. And sometimes to handle the checkbook, because then he controlled the finances. So other than writing checks to pay the bills (sometimes I did that too), I learned to do everything myself. He refused to do anything at home, because his job was “much more important than mine.” He wouldn’t even take out the garbage.
I often thought of and occasionally referred to myself as the married single mother. I usually worked 1-2 part-time jobs, did the yard work, raised two sons, volunteered for numerous activities, took care of anything for the house and my car. If it needed to be done, I had to do it.
When my husband passed away at a young age, I was still raising two teenage boys. I had no career that could support us; I had always worked low-paying part-time, office and sales jobs. That let me be able to take time off when the kids were sick, had to go to the doctor, etc.
Going through his illness and death was certainly not something I would have volunteered for. Or having that type of marriage and family life. But when he was gone, it wasn’t as difficult for me to function as it is for some new widows. I was already trained to do everything. There were a few things I had not done, and it was certainly scary to be the only financial provider/controller. But I was used to making the other decisions myself.
I realized as I enrolled in my first class to return to college, 6 weeks after he died, that I was a much stronger woman because of all the difficulties I had been through. And that would serve me to get my sons and myself through the next few years as we navigated life and school on our own. I was grateful for that.
A second thing that I am grateful for came after going through treatment for breast cancer. I have had a poor body image, having always dealt with being some amount over the “ideal” weight. I never seemed to fit into the current ideal look considered to be beautiful. That only contributed to my feeling of being “less than enough.”
Now, two and a half years after being diagnosed, I may not be as beautiful as I would like and I am certainly still overweight. Although some days are better than others, I have a totally different outlook on my “beauty.” My body image now is that my body IS beautiful! It is alive and well and useful and healthy!!! I am alive and that makes me beautiful! If you don’t like my body, you don’t need to be in my life – move on! I will keep celebrating. I am alive! A survivor!
There is no way that I would have chosen or would volunteer to go through that journey again. But I am grateful for the incentive to live my life, take some risks, and enjoy today. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I am in a much better place than I was a year and especially two years ago!
What have you gone through in your life that has made you who you are? What has been an unexpected benefit of an unwanted hardship? What are you grateful for that you might have missed in an easier life?
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