What do a car accident, war, and a Narcissist have in common? They all can cause PTSD.
Having a long term relationship with a Narcissist, whether as a parent or significant other can put you into a position of experiencing trauma and stress on a daily basis. This kind of trauma can lead to a type of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) called Chronic PTSD, or the new label coming in to use, Complex PTSD.
Most people are somewhat familiar with the better known PTSD caused by a dramatic, identifiable and understandably obvious traumatic event. Commonly, these are events such as the events of war, car accidents, sudden violent losses of loved ones, etc. Then re-occurrences of different reminders or triggers make the person feel like they are right back in that situation.
This triggers the same or even heightened feelings as experienced during the original traumatic event, such as fear, anger, horror, grief, etc. Now they have the pain of repeatedly experiencing the traumatic event (flashbacks) and the pain of fearing when the triggers and flashbacks will happen again.
Chronic Trauma, both in adults and children, is driven by the belief that they are at the mercy of the situation or person inflicting physical, emotional and/or mental abuse on them. They have been convinced that there is no hope. They believe that they have no power to change or leave the situation.
And they generally have no safe outlet to express their emotions about the situation or even the allowance that they have the right to have those feelings. This combination of lack of control and lack of hope has been shown to drive repressed anger fueling depression, lack of enjoyment or desire, and exhaustion, eliminating the fuel to change.
All of this means the victim of Narcissistic Abuse ends up suffering, feeling guilty for suffering and locked into the abuse with an invisible fence. The Narcissist continues to torture them and blames them for it, generally not having to worry about their victim escaping. The Narcissist can leave the doors wide open, because their victims’ minds are chained.
For the victim, even the thought of confronting their Narcissist, considering the sad situation they are in, or the scary unknown of leaving the Narcissist, triggers even more PTSD trauma symptoms. Pain if you stay, more pain if you think about leaving.
And if you do leave, then you must face the pain of figuring out how you got in to the situation and why you didn’t leave earlier. Like everything else in the relationship with the Narcissist – for you it is always a losing proposition. With the bonus of PTSD symptoms. Lose/Lose/Lose.
There are a few differences with Chronic Trauma, however. First it is often more difficult for both the sufferer, those around them and even the therapist to recognize, because there is no one dramatic happening. This makes it difficult for therapists who are not highly experienced in this area. And more difficult because the sufferer does not recognize the trauma they have endured, so do not self-report it to the therapist.
Or they may downplay it, since it seems “less” than more observable traumatic events. If a bomb blows up in front of you, you know that is the event of cause. If you are living with someone who is demeaning and harsh, you are told to “buck it up” and “toughen up.” There is no point of trauma; it is a lifestyle of trauma.
Second, the chronic abusive treatment changes how the victim thinks of themselves. Their self-esteem lowers, they believe they deserve and cause the problem and they may deem their abuser to be more important/a better person than themselves (see Stockholm Syndrome). There is a lot of guilt and shame involved in the jumble of their relationship with their Narcissistic Abuser and their PTSD.
And third, you don’t have to think about whether you should try to avoid/escape the unnecessary trauma of accidents or someone robbing you. But you don’t clearly recognize that you should get away from your Narcissistic Abuser; you feel guilty if you consider it.
To comment, please join me on the Facebook page – Click Here. Remember that comments are public, so protect your privacy.
If you have enjoyed this post, please Like and Share it on Facebook. And forward the link to someone you think might enjoy it. Thanks!