Are you Giving the Narcissist, or Selfish Person, or Someone you disagree with in your life all of the power?
Many people are thrilled about the results of last week’s presidential election. And many people are very upset about the results. They admit to being disappointed, fearful, anxious, disenchanted, and feeling their voice has been silenced. Even more, they fear that the country will move backwards, increasing disregard and disgust for those who are different or less accepted. Some feel he is only focused on his own needs and desires.
Many fear that this new president has the power to influence others in our country to act poorly, treat others like a bully and reignite a spirit of meanness. Many feel he has all of the power now.
That is so often what we feel like when we are in a close relationship with someone who displays strong narcissistic tendencies. It seems that the more we turn to see our choices, the more they are shut down and we’re told we have no power. We become so wound up in this spider web of crisis, control and negativity, we accept the premise that we have no power.
This is true and not true. We do not have any power to change the other person’s behavior. We do not have the power to stop them from doing cruel and/or disappointing things. We do not have the power to make them set an example that we feel would be more appropriate. We don’t have the power to make another person do or be what we want them to be. Just as we don’t have the power to change the election results, good, bad or otherwise.
BUT…..
But that doesn’t mean we really have no power. It doesn’t mean that bad behavior has to be accepted and/or expected. The president has neither the power to save or destroy our nation. They might be a good influence or a bad one, but that is the most they can do. And for a limited time.
The president cannot make you be a kinder, more thoughtful person. They cannot make you speak out for what you believe in. They cannot make you step up and stand with those who are being bullied. They cannot make you treat others with the respect you would like for yourself. They cannot teach your children, family, or friends that it’s not okay to use others’ bad behavior as an excuse for our own. The only one who can do that is you.
Because quite frankly, although the presidential office is powerful, it is not as powerful as we would like to believe (see how little happened in congress over the last 8 years to see who has more power than the president).
And who do you spend more time with in a year, the president?Or the people you work with, people you shop and do business with, people you see as you go about your daily life. People you can treat kindly, respectfully, encouragingly. Your behavior is going to affect those around you much more than some person most Americans will never meet or know.
So will we use our voices, our money, our time and our energy to do good in the world? Or to complain and talk about how someone else should? Will we resign ourselves to the idea that because someone else is ill mannered or could even be embarrassing sometimes, that we have no choice but to give up and do the same? Or will we realize that is not who we are, and that its time we prove kindness really does matter? Will we start to do something, anything, one of those things that “somebody” should be doing?
The advantage we have in this post-election reaction is that we are not alone. And we know we’re not alone. We know that others are going through similar (and different feelings). We know that we still do have power to make a difference. We know that most want better for our people, even if we aren’t sure how to accomplish it. Did Jesus give up on his goals because Caesar was in power? Did Gandhi go home because others weren’t already taking up his cause? Did we give up establishing this nation because we weren’t supposed to be able to work together across our differences?
Or do we take up our own power, empower others, respect and love the similarities AND the differences to show who we are? We aren’t kind or racist as a nation. We are kind or racist, one person at a time, one choice, one action at a time.
It ain’t over baby. Get back up, pay it forward, reach out a hand, give a hug, help with a need – one-to-one, be the America you want. Be the person you want us to be.
You have the power! Your voice isn’t silenced; we just need to put some feet to it. Because rhetoric never fed a baby anyway. Or comforted the lonely. Let’s start by being kind to one another. And ourselves. Because we DO have the power to choose.
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