Everyone thinks that the woman who’s always smiling has a charmed life. Truth is …
What’s behind the smile? A well-oiled machine, used to the great life, perfect family, loving husband, fabulous job, great health. Oh yeah!
Maybe not. People think that the one smiling and laughing, the good listener and always helpful gal is smiling because she has it easy. Maybe she’s trying not to dump on you. Maybe she’s trying to focus on the good even when there’s a lot of bad. Maybe she’s being a good sport.
The most annoying part of being a good sport, having a good attitude, keeping calm and trying to make everyone feel better? It’s that everyone then assumes that your life is a pocket full of rainbows and sunshine with whipped cream and a cherry on top. Sometimes it’s just a melted jumble of mess in your pocket.
And for all the same reasons that you don’t walk around complaining and whining and swearing about your life, you don’t stop and explain to everyone what a lousy day or wonky week or utterly overwhelming crisis you’re having right now. Or that this has been going on for weeks, no months, no years. Maybe even decades.
Reasons You Don’t Explain
You don’t explain for lots of reasons. First, most people don’t care. They are too overwhelmed by the drama in their own lives to have the energy to ask you about yours. Or they just want to believe that they have it better or worse than everybody else. Or they wouldn’t know what to say if you told them. So you think anyway. Often it’s true.
Or you don’t tell people because you know they are having a hard time and you think you will make their life tougher if they know your problems. Or maybe, secretly, just a little. You like it that other people think you have it all together. If they only knew.
Or maybe you’re afraid others will judge you and/or your husband or family if they knew what was really going on. Maybe you think it’s all your fault. Maybe you just don’t know what to do yet. Maybe your husband has convinced you that you’re lazy and a screw-up, that people will think you’re shameful. Maybe you don’t want people to think he’s mean and abusive. Maybe you don’t want to admit he’s mean and abusive. Maybe you keep believing he will get better/change. If only you wait long enough. And try hard enough. And . . .
What If You Told Someone
What if you just picked someone. Someone safe. Someone who actually listened beyond the 1-word answer “fine” and cared. What if you actually shared a little bit with that safe someone who could share a little with you, so you both could feel a little better.
And what if you decided that the next time you see someone who is always smiling and seems to have a perfect life. What if you didn’t assume their life was perfect either? And you then asked them how they were doing. What if you stayed past “fine” to find out how they really are?
What if you both ended up smiling. Because you both were a little more “fine” after sharing?
But never assume the smiling woman has a perfect life. You know you don’t, why should she?
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