Growing up your parents, teachers, adults tend to tell you “be nice” whenever they want you to either do something they want or more often, quit doing something they don’t like. Likely you’ve said it to someone too, particularly if you were feeling embarrassed or angry about their behavior.
The problem is, that scenario continues on and associates nice with backing down, not getting your way, not speaking the truth and everyone else’s comfort is more important than yours. It becomes Nice = ignore your own needs and wants; just take care of mine!
Is it any wonder that giving, loving, caring, sensitive people become enablers? We are trained to check our own desires and boundaries at the door of judgement. Judged as being either the unlikable, “bad” person or the one who puts everyone’s needs before their own and wears the Crown of Nice.
That crown comes with a pretty high price though, making all our decisions either/or. Either I do something for me, that I would like or I can be a good person – Nice. Either I can say “no” to one more commitment I don’t want, or I can continue to be “that nice person who always helps.”
What if we changed our definition of Nice? What if it didn’t mean you left the word “No” out of your vocabulary? What if it didn’t mean you had to let people take advantage of you? What if it didn’t mean you could not only come in last place, better to not come in on the list at all?
What if “Nice” meant taking care of myself so that when I do choose to say “Yes” – I can do it with joy, excitement and full commitment? What if “Nice” meant I protect myself and you by keeping healthy boundaries?
What if Nice DID NOT mean Use, Abuse and Chuck?
If you felt comfortable saying No – what is one thing you would say no to next time someone asked you to do it?
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