Short answer? Because you’re the one that wants a better life.
If you’re dealing with someone who has strong narcissistic traits, is extremely selfish and/or entitled, who has little empathy for you, they aren’t interested in changing. They don’t believe they have a problem, they believe you are the problem. They will tell you that if you would just be reasonable and do things their way, the problem would be solved. In other words, they don’t care about your needs and certainly have no intention to change.
If you are in that type of situation where the other person has no intention to change and certainly not go to counseling with you, what can you do? Occasionally, they will go to counseling with you but won’t be truthful or forthcoming with the counselor, they want to prove how you are crazy or the problem. Again, what can you do?
At that point, it’s time to turn to the only person you can influence and change – you! It’s time to examine what you really want in life and whether the life you are building is that life? Are you moving toward (not just hoping) that you are living the life you want, being treated respectfully by others, and in healthy, safe relationships?
Are you finding a pattern of getting into relationships with people who do not treat you well? Who take advantage of you? Who just take? Then it’s not about changing them, it’s about learning how to set and feel good about setting the boundaries that will keep you safe and only allow safe people into your life? It’s about learning to listen to your gut, not ignore the red flags and believe you have the right to be treated well. It’s about recognizing if you are a rescuer or codependent.
Are you doing all of the work to make the relationship work? And getting little or nothing out of it; are you “wrong no matter what you do?” Are you fighting a losing battle to please your significant other? You may need to rethink why you stay? It may be time to have a talk with someone who can give you an unbiased perspective. You may need to understand why you are pursuing unhealthy, unhappy relationships, believing that you can change someone else to make it healthier.
So again, why do you need counseling if the other person is the problem? Because they have apparently become your problem.
And you want a better life for you.
Even if they don’t.
Especially if they don’t.
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