So if I’m addicted to being needed, how do I stop? If that is how I fill my life, how I feel good about myself, what happens if I just suddenly stop? If that is my way of helping others, where is the line? Do I have to change what makes me me?
Think of it less like changing who you are and more like focusing who you are, becoming more efficient and actually more helpful by delivering the help where it is really needed. And recognizing that you will feel better when you know that your actions are both more effective and meeting real needs rather than just filling time. You will find it more satisfying because you can feel good about doing what you can to give back rather than waiting for someone else to justify your existence by their compliments. You are no longer dependent on others for your self-respect and value. It will seem very scary at first but will be freeing.
Back to the original question, how do I stop the addiction? Two things need to be going on. First, building your self-confidence by giving yourself the same compassion you are giving to others. Accepting your gifts and faults, as is. You may have things you want to work on or change. But that doesn’t mean you don’t accept you. As is. Today.
Second, you choose your giving a little more carefully. Is it helping or just hovering? Do they want your help or is it really your need your seeking to fill? The best giving is meeting a real need or desire of someone who needs or wants it. And that it is good for. Think of it as moving from giving out a hundred pieces of bubble gum to people who don’t really care about gum, to giving a good hot meal to one or two people who are hungry and need it. And sometimes you’ll do something for someone else, that is a bonus gift (not a necessity) and you’ll do it for you. Which means you’ll get the joy from it without waiting for someone else’s comments. Give purposely, not desperately. It’ll mean more to you. And others.