Last time we talked about why you need to get to a place of peace with yourself. And in order to get that peace you need to get to know the real you. Because only you have control of having peace; no one else can give it to you.
If you don’t have peace alone, you can’t have peace with others. Achieving that peace involves accepting you as you are, all of you, and being “enough” to be able to be alone with you. In order to do that you need to be open to really getting to know you, gaining perspective on the why and what of you, just as you are when you meet someone new.
For some people, that may feel a little odd or uncomfortable. If this is beyond just a bit uncomfortable or feels like it will take you to scary places, you might consider talking to a counselor before doing this. They can help you sort out what is making it so scary for you, give you feedback and encouragement. They can also help if you think this will bring up some feelings of trauma that may need to be dealt with and processed. It can also feel empowering to have someone you can talk with about your journey through getting to know you.
You may not know where to start, especially if you have not taken the time to consider what you know about you, as compared to what others have told you is who you are. Or what others have chosen that you “should” be. Or even what you think others think you should be. Who has done the choosing for you in what you are or think you are? Does it feel like others input more than you do?
The more people involved in choosing, the less each person has to do with the choice or even thinking about what they want. Do you want to be a “you” by committee? Because you are the only one who will have to live with the choices. This is another reason to take the time to get to know and come to a peaceful acceptance of who you are today.
So getting to know you is as easy as asking yourself questions and letting you really answer. Not answering as you think you should or as someone else would. And especially not as you think others think you should.
Sometimes it helps to just answer the first thing that comes to your mind. Then later go back and ask yourself, is that truly my answer, am I surprised and how does that make me who I am? Does that seem in line with the person I have portrayed myself to be? How true to myself have I been acting? What can I do to be more true to my real likes, dislikes and dreams?
Let’s start with what might be some easy ones. Or they might not. Remember how hard it was for Julia Roberts to decide what kind of eggs she liked in Runaway Bride? She didn’t know herself or have the peace from spending time alone either.
What is your favorite color? flower, sport or not sports at all? hobby, food, eggs, pizza, regular or curly fries, winter or summer, pastels or vibrants? jazz or hard rock, rap or hip hop or ballads? morning person or night owl? favorite holiday? parade or movie, tenting or hotel, poker or uno, bar b que or mongolian beef, read a book or go to a concert, tea or coffee, water or juice,
What do you most like about your physical self? emotional self, intellectual self? If money and time were no object, who would you take on a 1 day vacation and where would you go? On a 3 day vacation, and why? On a two week vacation? If you were going to go on a vacation just for you with you, where would you go, when would you go, how would you get there, what would you do and why?
So start by thinking about your answers to the questions you would likely ask someone you’ve just met. Then move to deeper questions, just as you would when you were getting to know someone better.
Start with what you do for a living/do with most of your time? What do you like the most about that? What do you like the least about that? Would you change it if you could? Is it what you thought you would be doing? What would you be doing if time, money, etc. was no object?
Who do you think you would most like/least like to be like, look like, talk like, play music like, do some type of creative art like (writing, painting, quilting – anything created) and why?
What’s your favorite food, dessert, book, movie, music, band, color, dog, friend, relative, weather, activity?
Who would you like to be as confident as? Sassy as (for me – it’s definitely Maxine), compassionate as, travel as, speak as? And why?
Do you like to receive flowers? Have you ever bought/picked/grew flowers for yourself? If you could afford it, would you? Why or why not? What makes you feel pampered? What’s your favorite gift to give/receive?
What does peace look like to you? A winter snowfall, a starlit night, a blanket and a cup of cocoa, a walk through the trees,….? Howe often to you do something special for you, take time for you, do something only you like to do?
Do you feel confident in your choices; would you feel confident to share any/all of them with others? Who would be a “safe” person to share some of those things about you? Who is not? A safe person is someone who has and has proven by their past actions, that they have your best interests at heart. They don’t use your words against you, tell others confidential information, and support you in your goals and dreams.
Do you think others see the real you? Why or why not? Do you? What would you change about that? Will you? What do you dream of doing? Where do you dream of going? Who do you dream of meeting? Why?
Do you trust you? Why or why not?
As you do this, you will probably think of your own questions, some things you may not have considered before. You may also think of some things you have been avoiding thinking about. That probably means you are ready to consider and make some choices about them.
You don’t need to be a mirror of others. That’s not where peace and acceptance come from. You need to be your own original. You need to be proud of who you are. Not perfect but liking and accepting you.
Live YOUR life, not the one that you think that others think you should. Make peace with you as you get to know you. You are worth getting to know and spend time with. It’s the imperfections in art that make it individual and valuable, just like you. Make a date with yourself today, to really consider how great it is to spend time with you.
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