I am thoroughly exhausted! Achy, sore, tired and sometimes cranky exhausted. “What am I doing”, “Is this going to work”, and “What am I thinking” kind of cranky. I’ve been working on a project that is part emotional, part mental and a lot of physical.
After living in the same house for part of 5 decades, my mother is putting her house up for sale. My mother and I are just this side of hoarders, keeping many things for occasional use, walks down memory lane, and always being prepared for anything. Plus you add that while I went back to grad school, I packed up my whole household of furnishings and stored them in her house too.
So now you have two households worth of items trying to be downsized for the picture perfect style of living required for showing a house to buyers. In case you aren’t familiar, that is like trying to put 40 pounds of flour in a 5 pound container and make it still look like there is room for more.
This project of selling and moving is exciting, scary, exhilarating, paralyzing and most of all exhausting. Did I mention I was exhausted? 🙂 Every day I think about quitting. Sorting through both every physical item you own and all of the emotions and memories attached to them is akin in my mind to the parental and humanity Olympics. It is like reliving all of the scenarios of my life; the good, the bad and the regretted. All of this while carrying heavy boxes up and down two flights of stairs (the main reason for the move – stairs).
This seems to be another hallway, waiting for the door to open to another chapter in my life. I am anxiously awaiting the move, ready to get started on a new adventure. All the while questioning my choices and wondering if I should just stand still and not change anything. I am choosing to leap, choosing to face the fear, and live with what comes. I am choosing to move past yesterday and the regrets of missed moments. I am choosing to try something new, to start again, to take a chance. On me. While I carry some more boxes, physically and literally.
I’ll be the one nodding off when I sit down, but dreaming of a new adventure.
How about you? What are you ready to tackle, try or turn on its ear today? You might get tired but it will be worth the struggle.
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