Ever check yelp or ask people about a new restaurant you’d like to try and get a multitude of answers from “love it” to “don’t ever eat there”? Ever wonder how there can be so many different answers?
Ever think you know about someone, then you hear a different story that entirely changes what you think of them? Either for good or bad. These are all examples of how different framing, or the way we look at and interpret information, can affect our perspective of a situation or person.
We all experience this in ourselves and others, we just may not know or recognize we are doing it. An easy way to identify this, we’ve all had that person in our life that is always negative. Their way of looking at every situation is observed in a frame of negative thoughts.
Framed
This is like taking a pretty picture and putting it into a frame that is rotted, dirty, broken, covered with cobwebs and junky. Your eye goes to the ugly frame. You may barely even notice the picture because of the frame. You certainly wouldn’t want to hang it in your room that way! What if the Mona Lisa was framed that way? We would assume it was just a piece of junk.
When we understand that, we can start to look at how we “frame” situations in our own life. When you know that you have the power to reframe, you are empowered to change your whole attitude. Here’s a couple of examples I’ve experienced that reframing really helped me not only cope but have a better day.
I would not say that I have road rage when I drive, but people who drive poorly do really annoy me. You may see me commenting in my car as I am driving along, things like “feel free to use a blinker” or “it’s green!” I have had people pull out in front of me without signaling or allowing enough room. I found that incredibly rude and annoying (my frame of the situation).
Sometimes though, I will then see a reason they may have done that. They may have had a police car speedily trying to pass them so they needed to get over and out of the way. Or they may have had to move over to avoid an accident. When I see that, for example the time someone was trying to avoid hitting someone who walked out into the road, I’m glad they swerved.
Reframing
Reframing can be useful beyond driving irritations though. It can help you to choose to enjoy your life, even when it may not live up to the standards you would like. It can help you to not be as reactive to others who may be irritating. It can help you to be kinder and more understanding, both with yourself and others.
Reframing is not about lying to yourself or pretending you don’t see or understand reality. It’s just giving yourself the distance to step back and look at a situation. This can give you a better understanding. It can also help to take the pain out of situation that may feel at first like a personal attack, but is really about something in the other person’s life. They may be reacting to something in their “frame” but that doesn’t mean the negative actions need to continue on affecting you and each person in the chain.
You can choose to not let it affect you, especially when you can see that it really isn’t about you. The more you use that power to reframe, the more confident you will be. And the less you will feel like buoy being battered by the waves in the ocean.
Reframing Can Help
A more advanced use of reframing can actually be helpful in coping with difficult, long-term situations such as a health issue or a job you don’t like but can’t leave at the moment. Some years ago I had a job while I was going to college. Because of school and where I was living, there were very few options available. I really needed the job and I knew it wouldn’t be long term, maybe 12-18 months.
I knew before I ever applied for the job that I would hate it. I knew it called for some skills that I was very good at. It also called for a skill that was very difficult for me; I knew it would be stressful. When I went through the training, it looked like the job requirements would balance out with my high and low skill attributes. Then just when I finished training, the requirements were changed and weighted heavily toward my difficult area, no longer even assessing my strong area.
I went from doing fine to overnight not meeting the requirements. A difficult job I didn’t like was suddenly nearly impossible, not only not validating but my boss was now complaining daily, sometimes hourly. Discussions with my boss did no good, they would not transition me to a position where my assets would have been helpful. They were determined to make me fit into the position as it was now.
Every day was constant negative input. I would get mixed messages as I would be complimented by clients, win awards for client satisfaction and negative feedback from my supervisor for not being as fast as they wanted. I knew I needed to last emotionally at this job for just another year.
How Reframing Helps
Although this job had nothing to do with my future jobs, I chose to pick out little skills that I could hone to help me in my future. I chose to pay extra attention to the tone of my voice when speaking with clients, working hard to bridge the gap of lacking visual cues. I chose to believe that by harnessing audible cues, I would be an even better therapist in the future when I was in the same room with a client.
I chose to frame my difficult clients as a challenge to really hear their needs, actively listen and help them feel satisfied, even if I couldn’t give them what they asked for. It was through this reframing, framing a difficult situation with the benefits and realistic expectations, that made each day survivable.
I knew I was learning more about how to deal with very unhappy and sometimes irate customers. I was learning how to help clients be satisfied with waiting or not getting what they wanted. I can’t say it made me want to go to work every day. But it did help me tolerate and endure an unpleasant (i.e. very crappy) situation until it could be changed.
I think if you try this out, you will find it can really help. It isn’t supposed to keep you from doing what you need to be by pretending everything is ducky. It is supposed to help you see situations from another point of view. And help to enjoy the good things in your life. Sometimes we have to get a different view in order to see them.
Today, try a reframe in your life. Reframe what you think about yourself. Maybe you’re not stubborn and obstinate, you’re persistent and stand up for what you believe in. Your turn: what is your first reframe?
To comment, please join me on the Facebook page – Click Here. If you have enjoyed this post, please Like and Share it on Facebook.
Or forward the link to someone you think might enjoy it: http://jansmith.me/?p=654
Thanks!