Afraid to be vulnerable – not me – she squeaked, from behind her door of protection. Not me she said as she locked the gate. Not me she said as she pulled the shutters.
I can be vulnerable when I want to, she said to herself. I just don’t want to right now. And I am really good at being transparent – within reason. Or about my faults. Just not about my pains. But that’s different.
So she carried her pain, alone and hidden, like a black umbrella on a sunny day, shutting out the light.
Wishing, deep, deep down, behind the walls, behind the smiles, behind the laughter, that someone, someone who cared, someone would reach into the dark pain. That they would reach in with warmth and sunshine to heal her heart.
It was also the biggest thing she feared. That someone would reach into her heart and see the pain, try to bring light, and she might have to unlock the gate to her hiddens. Her hidden thoughts, hidden anger, hidden resentments, hidden hurts, hidden desires, hidden disappointments. Her hidden desire to play in the meadow in the light without fear.
Please take a safe hand and start to come out and play. Because the shame that someone else has put on us, keeps us in bondage, away from the lightness, the joy we long for.
Throw off the dingy robes of disgust, disapproval and denial. Walk away from the mildew of someone else’s dark soul. Gingerly, quietly, or boisterously, come out of the stocks that held you bound.
Because you are a free soul. Shame is not your name.
Come, take a hand, share a laugh and a dance, enjoy the rain and the sun.
Breathe.
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