How do I handle emotions overwhelming me? It’s like herding cats. Well, the cat wrangler herding the thoughts you choose to have is – You!
Yes, Virginia you can choose to keep or pitch thoughts. That is the gold mine of knowledge that can change your world.
We all have those times when a thought comes into our head for whatever reason, that gets us off and running on an emotional journey like a golden retriever chasing a stick. So to control where the golden goes, you choose what to do with the stick.
If you want him to run far and fast, fling that stick as far as you can. If you want to let him run a little but stay within control – toss it out only as far as you want him to run. And if you don’t want him taking off, you keep a grip on that token, keeping it close to you.
Well, that’s all fine and good you say, and I love pets. But how do I apply that to my life. Especially to my thoughts and emotions – they run rampant. Okay, just like the stick, identify what is going to make the dog (or in this case emotions) run wild. Say for instance, I walk by a small group of people, they turn towards me and start laughing just as I walk by. And maybe when I hear them laughing, I start to feel nervous, insufficient, ugly, clutzy, stupid, alone, and seriously “less than”!
Emotions Out of Control
Now the stick (my thoughts) has been thrown way, way far and the golden retriever (my emotions) have gone full speed into the forest of out-of-control self-slamming. My day is ruined; I end up thinking about all the bad things about myself all day. In fact, I probably am so upset that I start taking it out on people around me, ruining not only my day but aggravating others. My day now stinks!
Here are two other ways this could play out. This time we’re going to be like the stick that was just tossed out a little ways. So the same situation with hearing laughing when I walk by. I start to feel embarrassed, ugly, stupid, “less than”, etc. But before I can get too far into this routine, I stop and think. I might even literally say to myself (either out loud or in my head) “Stop!”
Sort Thoughts
Then I can start to sort out my thoughts like a deck of cards, tossing ones that I know are not helpful, realistic or desirable. So, “embarrassed – I’m just walking, I have nothing to be embarrassed about. I am not Miss America but neither are most people, I’m not ugly. I am not stupid; sometimes I make poor decisions, mostly good ones. But I am definitely not stupid.”
Keep tossing useless thoughts, replacing with thoughts you’ve chosen.”I am a decent human being with talents, skills and faults, just like everyone else. I am actually not a bad human being. Besides, I don’t know those people or need to care what they think. Last, the world does not revolve around me, they probably weren’t even thinking about me. I am just as capable as I was 10 minutes ago.”
It helps to then move on to something else, something more positive. Logic your way out of an emotional train-wreck moment.
Now what if I had walked by those same people, and they started laughing when I walked by. But this time I overheard them talking about a funny movie they had just seen. I keep walking and have none of the uncomfortable emotions or insulting thoughts listed earlier. The same people talking, same people laughing, same situation of me walking by when they laughed.
The only thing that changed was what I thought about the situation. That totally changed how I felt, the emotions I experienced and my reactions. So my thoughts were driving my emotions. With no bad thoughts, I didn’t have uncomfortable emotions, and I didn’t ruin my day or stress out over things beyond my control (others seeming to laugh at me).
This is like keeping a good grip on the stick (your thoughts) and keeping it close so you can choose to control where your thoughts and emotions go, how strong they become and how long they run. By taking control of your thoughts, you can choose to feel the same way, or at least close to it, that you would have if nothing had ever happened to trigger you.
Get To Choose
What happens if I decide to take control of my thoughts, thereby being in charge? I get to choose where and when to let my emotions run. I get to choose what beliefs I want to have about myself. I get to turn my thoughts toward more positive areas, giving myself a better day.
Sometimes we may not catch the thoughts before they start rolling, but you can reel them back in. Just walk through those same steps. Choose ahead of time what your beliefs and statements about yourself are and practice taking control of your thoughts and emotions.
The more you practice, the better you will get at it and the easier it will be to apply when you are stressed.
You can also choose times when you want to let your thoughts and emotions roll. Like when you are thinking about something positive. Say like how much you love something/someone or enjoy an activity. We aren’t talking about being a robot. But just like driving a car, someone needs to be steering. And it’s best if it’s you.
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