Narcissist Pairing
When you first meet and become involved with a narcissist, they can be incredibly charming. They may seem like the answer to your dreams, maybe better than every one that came before them. They likely will treat you as the answer to their dreams, putting you on a pedestal, and claiming no one they’ve met has been as wonderful as you. They will likely be flattering, embellishing and Fast!
They will sweep you off your feet, start to isolate you from others (to reduce other’s influence) and get you fully engaged with them. They will tell you, you are their perfect mate.
And then they will expect you to live up to that title – perfect mate. In fact, they will expect you to be a reflection of themselves. Actually, they will measure you by the perfect self they want others to see. And you are to fulfill that perfection, reflecting that perfection back on them.
Soon they will project their own problems and faults on you, then become angry because you are not perfect. Your job is to be perfect, read their mind, and reflect that perfection back on them. That is to make them feel perfect and validated.
Perfection Problems
There’s just a few problems with that. Obviously, since they are blaming you for their imperfections, and they will always be imperfect, you are to blame (in their mind) for imperfect thoughts and actions. Second, because you can’t actually be perfect either, or read their mind and intent, reflecting perfection, you can’t make them happy. Third, because they are never satisfied, no matter what you do or don’t do, you can’t win.
But if you try to leave, they take that as a personal insult. They can’t agree to disagree. They have to be the one that chose to end the relationship or not allow it to end. Which puts you back into the vicious cycle of perfect pairing. They will manipulate with charisma, shame and rage, alternating using whatever seems to be working. They need to move you back into the “perfect pairing” agenda again.
The only way to end the perfect pairing reflection, is to step out of the cycle. With strongly enforced boundaries, self-empowerment, and possibly reduced or eliminated contact. The only way to win this game of the perfect pairing – is not to play the game.
You don’t need to be perfect. And you can’t be their perfection.
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