Sometimes when we have been in a stressful situation, we may not make the choices we would have if we had taken the time to think about them. In fact, if the stressful situation goes on for long or pops up suddenly (sort of common for a crisis), we aren’t acting but reacting. And those reactions may come from unresolved emotional places before we even have time to think.
We can even get stuck in a vicious loop of reactions which take on their own life of causing more crisis followed by poor decisions, and so on. Sometimes we have someone in our life who is driving those crisis moments. We get that fight or flight feeling and it seems like we must take action immediately.
Most situations aren’t that time critical, though. We get stuck in that mode of reacting rather than acting, taking our brain out of the process. And no one likes to drive us into that loop more than a narcissist with their own agenda. When we’re reacting, we have lost our footing emotionally. We make poor decisions, don’t think logically and make short term decisions. But how do we get out of that loop? Or see it coming and/or avoid it when it’s heading our way?
First, we want to take a deep breath. Maybe 12. No, really! I mean that. Taking the time to purposely breathe triggers actions in our mind and body. The act of choosing to do controlled breathing triggers your mind and your body to relax and come out of reactive crisis mode. It also relaxes your body when it is more oxygenated. Both of those things send more oxygen to your brain, allowing for better thinking. It sort of draws an emotional and physical line in the sand to stop re-acting.
Then rather than diving back into the crisis loop, unless it is a physical emergency (like a car coming at you), know that this is not life and death. Taking the time to breathe, flex your shoulders and make a direct choice of action, will not be a problem. It will be a problem solver.
Now that you’re breathing again, step back from trying to control the outcome of a whole long series of events by your next action. Just choose what seems like the next step. And let go of trying to control the domino effect life theory. Forks in the road will arise, things may look different when you’re farther down the road, you can’t plan for everything. Just make the choice for the next step based on your core beliefs and values. As the saying goes – do the next right thing. Choose things that will help you be healthy and loving and grateful.
That doesn’t mean you won’t have fear, but nothing is 100% safe and guaranteed. Choose to be in situations where you can grow, where people care about you, where you feel good about who you are and you are taking care of yourself. Choose to be where you can be true to your dreams and can give back, where you can be yourself with your loved ones.
Some people are not the kind of people who want those things for you. They may try to keep you off balance, keep you in drama, keep you making reactive decisions. Then they belittle you for those choices. Narcissists are most often working to keep others in that reactive state so that they don’t make good decisions. Then they will shame you for those choices. And you will allow it because you don’t feel good about the decisions either.
If you find you’re stuck in a reactive loop when you’re with a certain person, it’s time to re-examine their place in your life. And time to practice the step back, breath and take action agenda. Because people who want the best for you will want you to do that. And if they don’t want that for you, they may not be the kind of person you want in your life. Choose to take action based on your beliefs, principles, and desires. Get off of the “Re-Action” playing field.
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