You can feel the energy almost before you walk into a room. I call it being able to “take the temperature” of the room just by walking in, that knowing whether the people in it are happy, sad, stressed, angry, covering something….. Not because of what they say. It’s more than that. And yes it probably does have something to do with body language, facial expressions, and micro-expressions.
Micro-expressions are facial expressions so fast you almost can’t see them – lasting for a fraction of a second. They may be registered subconsciously, as a feeling because you don’t know how to describe why you know what you know. And the displayer of the micro-expression is trying to cover a feeling which sneaks out onto their face for a moment before they regain control of covering up their emotions.
But most people don’t catch all of that. Even the people sending out the messages. People think you are psychic or know them so well you can practically read their minds. But it also happens with people you don’t even know.
It’s not reading minds. But it is reading lots of incredibly subtle and quick facial and body expressions. Plus throw in a bit of possible negative energy, vibes or whatever you want to call it. So why are some people so much better at this than others? Generally, there are two factors involved. One is that some people do tend to be born very sensitive.
They may be very affected by others moods, words and actions while some people seem to not even notice. They may be more sensitive to sounds, loud and quiet, noticing mechanical hums and twitters that others never do. They may be more sensitive to tastes and textures in food. They perceive things as tasting differently depending on the shape and textures. Such as macaroni and cheese tasting differently if it has differently shaped pasta or spaghetti with regular or thin noodles.
They aren’t trying to be difficult, they actually do notice the differences in the way it tastes as the sauces adhere differently in different proportions to the changes in pasta shape and thickness. Think of it like this. Would your pop or coffee taste differently if the amount of water was doubled or halved? Of course, it would. Some people can measure the differences in much smaller amounts, like a yard compared to an inch.
And that sensitivity to others moods and feelings can help in reaching out to others to help in times of distress. Or sharing joy in times of celebration. Or just sitting quietly together, knowing the closeness is enough for the moment. You understand how others are feeling quickly, maybe without words. You are a great comforter.
But that same sensitivity can be like going to a rock concert with a migraine. All of the emotions, sounds and triggers are going off in your head like a fireworks show (possibly almost literally if there is a raging fight going on). Then comes the pulsating concert like flow of non-stop emotions accompanied by the expectation of appropriate responses. Your head and your heart are whirling in the drama, needs, sorrow, excitement, whatever. You’re overwhelmed and others think you/re being dramatic and wimpy. Your own emotions are whirly around like fruit in a blender.
The second factor is training. Some people have been through an intensive, life-long training program to notice every tiny detail of other’s expressions, movements, triggers and reactions. They didn’t sign up for this program and they had little control over getting out of the program. Because the program was about survival, emotionally and often physically.
Many people, especially very sensitive people, who grew up in a home where there were crises, emotional or physical abuse, and especially narcissists, manipulators or angry raging members had to learn how to read people quickly. They had to learn to “see” the subtle changes in expressions and voices that hinted of danger (emotional and physical) to come.
If there was illness (physical and/or mental) in the house, they learned to sense when there was tension, distress, frustration, sadness or anger, so that they could be “a good soldier” and stay out of the way when someone else needed caretaking. Or when the caretakers were exhausted.
They learned what actions would generally bring better responses from the adults or cheer up their loved ones. They often learned the hard way what would bring on lectures, punishments and disappointment. They may have had to learn how to survive and avoid physical abuse, when to put on a good show and when to disappear. This wasn’t college type learning. This was the grad school of micro-expression recognition, emotional and physical survival. And it was a pass/fail program, survival or not.
Not everyone who is good at reading others may have gone through abuse or difficult times, but if you did, this may help you understand if you are very skilled at or sensitive to other’s moods and actions. Knowing that and how it affects you can help you to do what you can to avoid overwhelming situations or do self-care when you are being drained from interactions.
The same sensitivity that helps you be a good judge of character, a caring friend also makes intense situations more painful, even good ones, leaving you exhausted. Blessing and a curse? Knowing leads to managing better. Take care of you, not just others. You may forget you in the din of voices.
Please join me on the Facebook page – Click Here. Remember that comments are public, so protect your privacy.
If you have enjoyed this post, please Like and Share it on Facebook. And forward the link to someone you think might enjoy it. Thanks!